Polycarp Ministries

Today’s Gospel reading reminds me of another breaking point in my quest for truth. Mary, the blessed mother. Encountering this scripture in Greek class (Luke 1:26-38) shattered my misconceptions about the Church. Historically and theologically I had learned the reasons for Mary as Theotokos (God-bearer). There was no time in Christ’s life when He was not God, even in the womb of this young virgin. I also knew that Catholics did not WORSHIP Mary or any other saint, because worship is due to God alone. But they are true champions and leaders of the Faith, and receive the respect they deserve for their leadership roles and examples. I’ve never understood why people get so upset about that. They will pay hundreds of dollars to watch their favorite college football team play, name their children after their sports heroes, and skip Church to be with their team. And they say Catholics are idol worshippers? But I digress.

After hearing sermon after sermon around Christmas time, seeing it as their chance to keep everybody protestant I guess, explaining that Mary was “just an ordinary woman” and “nothing special” I almost went crazy. Even before I believed in the immaculate conception and assumption, I knew that Mary was special. Unless my protestant friends can show me another virgin who gave birth to God-incarnate, raised Him according to the law of Moses, helped initiate His ministry @ a wedding feast, never left Him during His ministry, stood by weeping as she watched Him die, rejoice after His resurrection, remain with and encourage His disciples after His ascension, etc. Doesn’t sound too ordinary to me.

Oh, I almost forgot. Our salvation hinged on her answer in the passage above. Verse 37 says with God nothing (no word) WILL BE impossible. To that point, everytime God spoke a word, it became. There was no IF. Now God and all creation wait for the answer. His prophets have fortold of this event. It comes down to the answer of this young girl. She said “yes”, the incarnation was manifest, and Heaven rejoiced. She was indeed special and specially chosen for this task. No wonder the angel greeted her by saying literally “Greetings, she who HAS BEEN FILLED with grace, the Lord is with you.” Mary’s actions point us to salvation in Christ alone and give honor to God alone. It’s all so very scriptural, and that’s why it was so hard to escape God’s call to me toward His Church.

I loved seminary. Our time in Louisville afforded me so many chances to grow, learn and serve. Now I was amongst the “big dogs” so to speak, and I could once and for all put away those tinges of doubt concerning the Catholic Church. But every class I attended, being taught by the brightest and best protestant scholars in the nation, I was more and more drawn to Rome. Why?

The more I studied Church history, Scripture, and theology, the more I saw an ecclesiological structure found only in the Catholic Church. The Church Fathers constantly spoke of fidelity to bishops and to THE Church (not local congregations or cliques or anything else). It didn’t take long for me to see that a structure was logically demanded of the Church, and therefore was provided by Christ when he appointed Peter as its first pastor. Now there was one who could speak for God, being led by the spirit along with the Apostles, in order to settle disputes and declare what is and what is not truth. Why didn’t everyone else see this? Because they were blinded by their presuppositions that congregational democratic government is correct, that the Church fell away from the truth, and that the Reformation was a legitimate cause for schism. But I could find no evidence to support these assumptions in history or sacred Scripture.

What I found as I read, was a Bible that explained God’s covenant love for us, and a promise that is fulfilled in Christ. I saw a sanctification that is continuous and real and that was not merely a legal declaration. I saw in the writings of the Scriptures, the Fathers, and even the secular historians, that the Church believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and that for this and many other beliefs protestants consider invalid or optional the early Christians were willing to die. The Church I saw in history was the same Church I was reading about in my Catechism, both doctrinally and structurally.

I should explain that I did a lot of reading and study outside of class, and that may partially explain why my classmates were not having the same revelations as myself. But I still think that if somebody is honestly seeking truth, and is willing to conform themself to it and not the other way around, will eventually find the fulness of salvation in Jesus Christ as taught by His Church. Even reading anti-Catholic writers during this period could not sway me. Their arguments were mostly ad hominem, laced with circular reasoning and poor source documentation (including a glaring lack of source documentation itself). To have truly studied the Scriptures and History and to remain protestant would be essentially saying, “I know that the early Church believed the things that the Catholic Church today teaches, and that the Church has been consistant in its teaching for 2000 years, BUT I, with my 4-8 years of study, am willing to fly in the face of 2000 years of succession and disagree because my presuppositions do not match those of the Church.” In a word, pride, seems to be one of the largest vices that threaten to keep protestants from discovering the Church.

I don’t mean to paint such a negative picture. Most all protestants I know are godly people who love and serve Jesus Christ the best they know how. They want nothing more than to please Christ with their lives, but Catholicism is something truly foreign to them. They have only vague knowledge and assumptions on Church teaching and practice based on what they see in the media (and we all know how accurately the media portrays the Church). Catholicism makes them uncomfortable because of the unfamiliarity. I encourage you to take advantage of the Easter season and invite a protestant friend to a Holy Week service. They will be surprised by what they see and their faulty assumptions will begin to fall.

In 2000 I believe I could say honestly that I had come to a point where I would admit the Catholic Church was a legitimate Christian body. That’s a significant paradigm shift for a guy who started out thinking that Catholics were damned by default. The main reason for the change in opinion was twofold.

First of all, all of the Catholics I knew personally and all of the Catholics whose works I had read were all strong and Godly Christians in word and deed. Christ was the center of their lives, and I saw no traces of idolatry, superstition, or low views of Scripture. What I did see were men and women who were committed to spreading and living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In short, they put most of my seminary classmates (including myself) to shame. There was no doubt in my mind that these people were the elect of God. Therefore, my presupposition that ALL Catholics were “lost” had no ground on which to stand.

Second, my opinion that the Catholic system was unchristian fell away, because I could find no evidence of the arguments made against them by anti-catholic writers. The Catholic Church being written and spoken against by these men simply did not exist. They had set up a strawman and proceded to knock it down, leading others to assume that they were dealing with the Catholic Church that has existed consistantly for nearly 2000 years. I realized that there were significant theological differences between the REAL Catholic Church and REAL protestants like myself. In order to know the truth, I decided to deepen my study of Scripture, Theology, and History in order to find the REAL issues of separation. After all, if there is to be true dialogue one must understand the argument of the differing side.

Armed with a thirst for knowledge and a belief that through my intensified study and prayer I would grow even closer to Jesus Christ, I started devouring as many source texts as I possibly could. My studies of the Church Fathers grew deeper as well. I wanted to learn why Catholics did the things they did and why (their reasons, not the false ones attributed by someone outside). I also wanted to make sure I truly understood the ancient Church. If I could find that, I knew that I would easily be able to find its match in the present (or at least how to shape my congregation toward that end).

Today’s Gospel (Luke 24:13-35) is a special blessing to me because it displays a pivotal moment in my own conversion. To summarize the pasage, after Christ’s resurrection, two disciples were walking away from Jerusalem. They were upset because Christ had been crucified and buried. They had heard the news of the empty tomb, but apparently did not believe the resurrection had occurred. They explained their story to Jesus, who appeared to them as another traveler on the road. They did not recognize him.

Jesus went on to interpret the Scriptures concerning Himself, and the men invited Him to join them for dinner. When Jesus took bread, blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to them their eyes were opened and they knew it was the Lord. But they didn’t see Him any longer. When they rushed back to the other disciples, they were so excited about the truth of the resurrection. They recounted that He was known to them in the breaking of the bread.

The Eucharist is one of the largest reasons for my conversion to Catholicism. In seminary, we studied the two ordinances observed by Baptists, namely Communion and Baptism. The more I studied Scriptures, the reformers, and the early Church, the more I realized that there was more to Communion than “just” a memorial. Too many of these sources were teaching that Christ was present in a real way during this activity. Scripture was also clear that the rituals prescribed for His people always had a deeper meaning than a mere observance. They were times of drawing nearer to God. And why would people be sick and dying for not “discerning the body correctly” if it was just a memorial piece of bread?

The Fathers constantly spoke of those OUTSIDE the Church who denied that the Eucharist was the body and blood of Jesus Christ. Also, the Scriptures were clear in presenting that God often uses material items to convey spiritual power and truth. The Church has always believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and the more I studied and prayed, the more convinced I became that Christ was present in Communion. At this point (2000) I wasn’t ready to admit the correctness of Transubstantiation, but I believed and defended a real presence and that Communion was a means of Grace. There was simply too much evidence to avoid these truths.

By the winter of 2000, God had already brought us through a lot. In my 3 years in Louisville, God had provided for our every need, and even in our darkest and poorest times had never left us. I had a wonderful job as a supervisor in a Fortune 500 company and had completed almost half of my M.Div. degree. Then word was given that I would no longer be able to flex my time for classes, and the evening schedule had rolled back to classes I had previously completed. I was stuck. So we did what we knew we had to do in times like this – pray.

As God would have it, an associate pastor position had opened recently in my hometown. There was no mention of salary, but we figured that if this was where God was leading it would be enough. I contacted the pastor, and, to make a long story short, got the position. I relocated and began in the spring of 2001. The position placed me in charge of education, discipleship, and students, and I was so excited because now I had time to read and study. My studies related directly to my job so I did not have to run such a fine balance between work and personal education. And to top it all off, the students God provided were to be the most wonderful bunch I had ever met. It was the student body that taught me an important lesson in conversion and apologetics – patience.

These youth were skeptical at best. My first midweek session had 1 student present. I was upset, so I prayed. I mean, my material was excellent, my promotion was fair, why no kids? The next session brought 2 students (#1 brought his sister), and later a 3rd. In a church with an abundance of youth, I wondered still what I was doing wrong. Then came the break point. In August, 3 students and myself sat in our loft meeting room as I bared my heart. I told them of my resolution: we needed to pray, be faithful & real to each other, and let God work. From that night of prayer God moved. Before too long, we didn’t have enough seats for everyone. Our student ministry rules were simple. I would be 100% real and honest and I expected them to be the same. That meant that if they thought I was full of ________ then they had every right to tell me, and if I thought they were lying I could call them out too. It worked because God had revealed to me that most of all people want to see REAL faith and not merely hear about it. Honesty and patience went a long way and God endeared these students to me and my wife.

What did that have to do with my conversion to the Catholic Church? First of all, I learned that conversion happens on God’s terms, not mine. My role is to follow His prompts. Second, I had to answer the tough questions posed by my teens. That meant lots of study and prayer, which drew me into the Scriptures and the history of the Church even more deeply, especially in areas I had never had reason to explore. Their questions were varied, and many of them deep, so I grew in my own faith as I helped them to draw near to Christ.

The Jews disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this Man give us His flesh to eat?” So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you; he who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me will live because of Me. This is the bread which came from Heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live for ever.” This He said in the synagogue, as He taught in Capernaum.

This chapter of John’s Gospel had more impact on my conversion than any other passage of Scripture. Discovering the Eucharist for the wondrous mystery that it is, was the key to my heart. In light of the context of this passage, all the other Scripture references to that holy meal make sense. Add to that the writings of the earliest Christians who wrote in accord that the Eucharist is Christ’s body, blood, soul, and divinity. There’s only one place where one can still find this teaching, and it is the same place where Christ left it – in His Church.

It amazes me now to think how anyone could attempt a defense of a symbolic reading of this passage. This is merely their own theology dictating to them the meaning of the passage, and that flawed process is called eisegesis. They are putting their own meaning and thoughts into the Scripture rather than accept the truth as Christ plainly teaches.

I realized my own errors in this regard while still a protestant minister. I was not yet willing to become Catholic, but I believed that the Eucharist was exactly as Christ and His disciples taught. There were still many questions, but I was running out of excuses to avoid converting. Scripture was so clear and I was finding that everything in history echoed the truth about the authority of Christ’s Church, the Eucharist, Baptism, and more.

I think in 2002 I knew I would become Catholic one day, but I still had a lot of work to do with the students to whom God had entrusted me. I figured that maybe in 4-5 years, after my work was done there (I never taught them Catholic doctrines by the way. We focused on Scripture, formation, ethics, prayer, and apologetics for the majority of my tenure.) I would take my leave and begin the process of converting through RCIA.

God had other plans.

I’ve been thinking about my conversion story this morning. What could I write? What have I shared so far? Have I left anything out? I’m sure that I’ve left out parts, but what do I do at this point?

What I’ve decided to do is to let you decide. Email me any question you might have about my conversion story. Maybe there was something you read that prompted a question, or there was something you wished I had described more fully. I’ll take your questions and pick a day per week to answer them here. And in case you were wondering if I’ll use your name – I won’t. You’ve seen how I phrase comments and questions in the past. . . .”A friend of mine said. . .” so don’t sweat it.

I’m anxious to read what you have to say. Your question may be just what someone more timid wanted to know, but was afraid to ask. So what are you waiting for? Start emailing me those questions!

I’ve got more sequels than Rocky AND Star Trek!

So here I was in 2002 an associate pastor in love with his ministry, yet beginning to realize that my time as a Protestant were drawing to a close. I had my endgame scenario worked out because I knew how I wanted things to go – nice and smooth. I wanted to finish my work as long as God would allow me to stay, then resign gracefully like any other minister when he knows it’s time to move on. No hard feelings, no anger, no controversy, just a quiet exit into the sunset. Then I figured on exploring denominations till we landed on the one that was the same as the Church Christ started. Funny thing though about my planning – God just doesn’t work according to my time table.

You see, He had given me such an insatiable appetite for study, prayer, and truth-seeking that I was out-pacing my own master plan. What I figured would be 4-5 years before resigning turned into 2-3 because I was just finding too much in protestant (more precisely Baptist) theology and practice that were inconsistant with Scripture, history, and sound logic. Then God hit me with a missile from His Word:

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. (James 4:17)

I realized that everything I studied would have consequences on my actions. When faced with truth I had to do one of two things, accept it and conform to it OR reject it and attempt to conform it to myself. Thus far in my journey, Protestantism was on a shaky foundation and I knew it would not stand much longer for me. However, I made a pact with myself that I would in NO WAY undermine the authority of my pastor by teaching contrary to him. In fact, I always submitted my lesson plans to him in advance. I did that in case someone ever questioned my teaching, but in retrospect I see that it was even better as a guard for the integrity of BOTH our ministries there. I believe God honored my decision by allowing my ministries to flourish. The youth especially were growing in the Lord as we studied through the Scriptures together. And though they asked tough questions, I was never approached with any major doctrinal landmines (such as the Eucharist). It looked like I was going to be able to toe the line and finish as planned (2-3 years), which was great because I wanted to be absolutely sure of where I was going BEFORE I went anywhere. I did not want to hop churches for years, but I wanted to know where I stood 100% before making a change that would affect my family and ministry.

Now what was that I said about God working according to my plans? Oh yeah . . .

The first half of 2002 is pretty much a blur for me. I had so much going on then. The youth ministry was exploding and they were all hungry for good teaching (and a pie in the face every now and then didn’t hurt either). They were growing in the Lord and I was having a blast. Plans were underway for a youth mission trip. My education ministry was also going well too. I had taught several classes/seminars and God was blessing the congregation with new ministries and new zeal as a result. In short, things were going EXTREMELY well and I was happy. Why would I ever want to leave?

Because God was about to show me the next step for me through the ministries I loved most. And He was setting me up for one of the biggest leaps of faith I’ve ever taken, shortly preceded by one of the biggest chastenings He’s ever given to me.

At this point in 2002, things were going well. In fact, my first two book ideas were materializing and I was actually able to put my thoughts to paper. One of these books I affectionately called my philosophy of conversion. I had diagrammed the conversion process (a journey we all make) and formulated a teaching curriculum around it. In fact, I used the model to teach my college students through the life of Abraham. One of the thrusts could be summarized by saying that every time we are confronted by the truth, we can either submit to it and convert -OR- rebel against it and become callous. My own spiritual journey is very similar to Abraham’s in that we were placed in the same types of situations. Every situation was an opportunity to trust God despite circumstances and opinion. Sometimes we trust, and other times we don’t. I found myself desirous of staying on the trusting side of this journey. And then the monkey wrench gets thrown in.

We got a new member to our youth group, and she was Catholic. Her parents wanted her to be involved in our activities, and I was glad to have her. I always felt pressured by unspoken voices that I was supposed to get her and her family to become baptist, but I made it clear to all of them that I had no intentions of removing them from the Church. I told them explicitly that I was more than happy to have their daughter attend as often as she wanted, but I assured them that my goal as minister was to encourage people to grow closer to Christ, not steal people away from the parish to which God had led them. I don’t know if this was what they wanted to hear or not, but I had come to a point in which I knew I did not want to be responsible for leading ANYONE out of the Catholic Church. If they decided to become baptists, it would not be because of me. Our Catholic visitor brought an interesting perspective to our mid-week youth meetings and I could see a lot of spiritual growth occuring in the group.

Here’s what struck me. After my conversion I found that her parish had 3 times as many activities and studies for youth as I was offering at the time. So why was she there? I don’t know. Perhaps her parents were looking outside the Church. Maybe it was a shorter drive for them. But it got me thinking. There were lots of times in which we would be looking at the Scriptures and drawing parallels to Christian life. When applicable, I would share practices and worship styles of our non-baptist brothers and sisters in the Lord (including Catholics). My new youth did not seem to know much about her faith, and I began to wonder if her parents did either. Why else would they allow their child into a protestant youth ministry. For all they knew I could have turned her against the Church and made her a baptist. I can only conclude that they did not know the Truth they had in the Catholic Church, otherwise they would never look elsewhere.

I find this typical of many Catholics today. You don’t know your faith and that is why many of you leave for protestant congregations, or leave when controversy strikes. If you knew what you have as a Catholic, not only would you not leave BUT you would also share and defend your rich faith. One of the greatest privledges we have is to carry the message of the fullness of the Gospel to the world. It is OUR responsibility, therefore we must know what we believe and why we believe it. Maybe your parish never taught you, or you were taught very little. Study the teachings of the Church and discover the beauty and richness of your relationship with Christ. We are the Church that Christ Himself founded almost 2000 years ago! If your parish does not offer adult discipleship and teaching opportunities, ask your pastor to initiate some. I’d be glad to speak to your youth and/or adults if you’d like, and I make myself available for the purpose of helping others grow in Christ. And in addition to your own faith, make your children’s faith YOUR priority as well. Make sure they see the truth in you and hear it from you.