Maybe it is because I am head strong and confident.

Maybe it is because I am convicted and passionate.

Maybe it is because in society we get ahead by trampling, and I grew up with that image.

Or perhaps, it is simply because I am a fallen man. No matter the reason I lack enough charity and humility to handle every situation with grace, the result is consistently painful when I don’t. I often notice this phenomenon known as “bob being a jerk” in one of three places.

First, when my wife and I disagree and rather than choose to listen and love I choose to debate. This is perhaps the easiest time to recognize this phenomenon.

Second, while driving someone does something to annoy me and rather than just avoid putting my bumper into their seat, I also add words and anger to the situation. This is the second easiest time to recognize this phenomenon.

Lastly, when I learn that I have hurt someone through my words or actions without intending to do so. While the first two items are humorous rhetoric meant to engage you as a reader, this item is truly the downfall of the Body of Christ. We all, at times, forget that we belong to a community of friends. And while we are intentional or not, our words and actions all affect the whole body of Christ.

This is precisely why the Sacrament of Confession has two purposes. We are first reconciled with the Father and second, we are reconciled with the Body of Christ, whom we have also sinned against. The two are necessary to bring a person fully back into the fold. Let me give you an example.

Recently a close friend told me that some things I had said to someone came back to her through his wife. Now in and of them alone my words were not hateful, harmful, or intended to do any harm. However due to the “translation” of my words they brought pain/harm to my friend whom I care very much about. Essentially I gossiped without manifest intent.

At first I was very upset with the man and his wife for doing this. My response was ”I can’t believe they would do that. Who do they think they are?” Note the use of the word “they”. They did something wrong. They did it. They.

Friends, when something happens and our first reaction is to blame another, I call that pride. To blame another is not to take responsibility for our role and behavior in the body of Christ. So, needless to say, I have to revise that statement.

I can’t believe I did that. Who do I think I am. What kind of friend am I that I would speak words about a friend that could be used against them. What kind of Christian am I gossiping in this way.

This post is not an attempt at an apology (because writing one is like breaking up over the phone, not good enough). This is my attempt to share with you a lesson and a message.

Jesus Christ called us His friends.

Jesus Christ told us that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.

The next time you are in conversation consider how your words will affect the body of Christ. Are you building the Kingdom of God? Or are you tearing it down?

St. Joseph pray for us.