okay…
I find it strange that every time I decide to publish my thoughts onto something tangible, something crazy and very relevant pops up right after I’ve written. its WIERD!Â
My mind was preparing for the next step before I knew it was there!Â
I have suddenly found myself in a certain type of ‘leadership’ position, which will draw a crap ton of attention upon myself. and as I was warned- some people will not like that I somehow attained this position and they did not.
 I like to be liked- everyone does.  And I know that in this case, it is unreasonable to have any negative confrontation- and I would hope people would be happy for me..  I understand that you can’t make everyone like you, and that it’s crazy to try to make everyone like you. I am comfortable with that- as many people are and should be.Â
With all of this in mind, I am worried still -even after my tinsy “prophecy” from the other day- about bearing something that I believe I am totally capable of doing, and equipped to do well, and remain humble? I cannot stand to see obnoxious pride. You know what? I know, i will not become that way. I’m so worried over it, how could I become unaware of my own actions?! I know I’m probably over reacting. I AM. Is it bad to be afraid though???? I think not! St. Anthony avoided positions of leadership because he knew that he was vulnerable to falling toward a selfish vanity. heck, if i’m recollecting correctly, I think the guy even whipped himself at times!
Now I’m not gonna go whipping myself— but the point is, that it’s got to be a good thing for me to be aware of my faults and afraid of situations where I have a heightened possibility to fall. And what makes it SO logical to rationalize is the fact that I am in a new, useful situation where I can learn A LOT, a position I’ve wanted for about a year, a position which is going to help in my long term goals. So WHYYY should I be afraid?Â
I’m tired. i cant think anymore tonight. and i dont know if any of the above makes the slightest bit of sense.
 I worry a lot. sometimes. it makes my neck hurt! okay stop.
April 1st, 2008 at 9:42 am
sounds like u got a lot going on. what is the new leadership role? sounds interesting.
all the opportunities you have, no matter how mundane they might seem at the time, will add up to help shape you into the person you are meant to be. the key is cooperating with God’s grace in every situation to allow him to be the transforming agent instead of the situation itself.
it’s okay to be afraid. to deny it would be dishonest anyway. just use that in your prayer time and allow God to take it and transform it into hope and trust.
you’ll be fine.