http://enya0305.livejournal.com/profile
^^^please Read the BIO section. I feel it’s important.
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Accumulation of witnessing different people making changes to their life:
I wonder at the kind of person who makes the extreme change in their life. An extreme change in the way of thinking, living.
There are the people who seem to cling to their family, station themselves around extended family, live in the same town as their entire family. Live their lives in eachother’s business day in and day out.
There are also the people who move away from their family, far away perhaps, the people which the rest of the family never sees -loves just the same, mind you- but just arent as involved as the rest of the family.
There are the people who change their life to align with that of their spouse, and consequentially, turn from the life they’d lived including the family they’d grown up with.
The people who change. Those are whom i consider to be extremely strong individuals. As much as i cannot fathom the pain that occurs when giving birth, I cannot fathom changing my life and turning from my family.
When I say “turn from my family” I do not say this in a negative sense whatsoever. I say it referring to the style of life; the developed growth of the understanding of what the family has taught eachother as being a correct way of living one’s life.
I think that there comes a point in everyone’s life where a decision to do this ‘turning’ must occur.
My mom met my dad. My mom ‘left’ (or ‘turned from’) her family (7 siblings and extended family) in Cincinnati to live and start a family of her own with my dad in Lebanon (where his family lives).
In no way am I stating that one leaves their family entirely and never returns to visit or communicates with said family. My mom, dad, brother, sister and i all visit and love my mother’s side of the family just as much as we do my father’s side.
I would take a healthy wager that most families are this way… habitating nearer to one side of the family than the other, and of course maintain a healthy, loving relationship with both sides.
There is also the kind of ‘turning’ that i consider more literally: The ‘turning’ from one’s family in order to grow individually and maintain a healthier person. I know of individuals who have not had a healthy relationship with their father and/or mother and who have decided to move away/ not communicate with the rest of the family in order to maintain emotional health.
I’ve come somewhat to a conclusion of a stirring thought of what I’ve always been made aware as a growing individual about the importance of family.
“Your current family is not as important as the family you are going to have.”
I found this statement harsh at first. Of course my current family is important to me! My current family is the MOST important thing to me!
But then I thought about it more. I am going to have to MAKE one from scratch. It WILL take my priority. My own children and their raising WILL BE the most important to me.
Of course, having read this statement, I am not going to begin to think that I can throw my current family to the wind, because they’re not in my future. Of COURSE they will be. Without my mom and my dad, my brother and my siser, my cousins and aunts and uncles, I’d have no one to go to for comfort, help, advice… And mostly, their love is cherished by myself; something no one will ever rule out of their future.
I have grown up surrounded by a GUHzillion cousins, second cousins, heck, even third cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, great great aunts and uncles…. on and on and on, lots of family. Everyone knows what everyone else is doing, who’s in trouble for doing what, who’s currently mad at who for doing or saying what, who’s currently got bad grades, who’s dating who… on and on and on.
If you still don’t get the point, think of the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Tons of people, in everybody’s business.
I love it. that’s how ive grown up. I don’t mind it.
Having said this, I hope that there is somewhat of an understanding of what i’m coming from.
ALSO having said this, I want to say that out of these huge families- who are in everybody’s face, almost like bacteria- there are some members of the family, who take that ‘turn’ and move to California, the other side of the nation, and create a family of their own.
And redundantly (hopefully the last time) i say that having said this, I wonder what makes the individual branch out. Branch off of the “bacteria pool” that is a huge family living within close proximity of eachother.
And I slightly come to the conclusion that these people who branch are taking consideration of the previous quote; the family you will create is more important.
I ONLY slightly agree with this, because the act of moving to the other side of the continent does not constitute weighing a heavier importance upon the family that you are creating.
The issue I have is this:
Having grown up so immersed in my extended family, I find it hard to fathom the possibility of one day not living within 20, much less, 5 minutes of another family member. (heck, my uncle and three cousins live next door to my parent’s house in Lebanon)
There are a number of different things that may ‘take’ me away from my family. None of which I am thinking of under negative terms. I could further my education (that’s a good laugh) in california, even Paris, I could find a great job in Georgia, I could get married and have to live close to where my spouse works in NYC… any of these things could pull me away from the environment in which i have been raised.
I see my friend who changed the way she was raised so that she would be more unified with her fiance. I see my aunt (1 out of 8 siblings) and her husband who have infact moved to California, away from any family, all of whom live in Ohio, to create a home and start a family from scratch. I see another aunt who does not communicate with her mother in order to maintain peace throughout the rest of the family. These people being examples among many other examples I have seen.
I have a sudden urge to ask them all: How did you do it?
I don’t know why, except for the fact that my bittersweet feeling that i’ve begun to feel in my personal revelation/revolution/evolution i believe has something to do with my eventual detaching myself from my family. I don’t know. I’ve just realized that I will someday be faced with this fact of life.
haha, in a way, it also has to do with realizing that I’m becoming my own individual, and my own stability. But I have a slight feeling that perhaps I will find myself, at a point in my life, far away from what I know now.
I’m frightened and thrilled by the thought of this. I can’t imagine how I would handle the change. But I know I would. All in all, it comes down to me having faith that God will give me nothing I can’t handle.
I think this is one of the FEW things about my life where I can say, I’ll just have to cross that river when I get to it.
Thank you for listening. and good night Cincinnati.
