♥
Um HECTIC. that is this week. infact, that’s most of the weeks lately. TIRED. OF. IT.
What i’d REALLY like, is to hop in a nice red(ish) Xterra on March 17th and drive to St. Augustine Florida, and watch the sunrise the next morning. And the following days, I’d like nothing better than to LAY. LAY and ROAST. sunshine. and messy hair. and a nice drink. and a nice guy perhaps. heh heh.
So, yep, i think that’s what im gonna do.
HOWEVER, we’re not letting ourself actually fully believe this is going to take place, PARCEQUE, this lady tends to get let down always at the last minute, and thus the heart breaks. Yes, even over visiting sunny florida with friends and a handsome gentleman. SO, we’re not going to believe it, so that if for some retarded reason (and with my luck, you never know) it ends up not happening, i can always say, i knew it. and then move on. IF, however, things go according to plan (and again, with my luck, things never do) i can freely poop my pants on the ride down. Oh no wait, i’ve recently been told that i’d have to hold it until i reach the ocean. psh, come on, we all know carolyn will get overexcited and probably just pass out, as soon as she touches the car door, from sheer euphoria.
shhh. no excitement allowed. not yet. alhkefgaljghldkjhgalkdj
anyway. besides all of that hoohaa, there was something of utter importance i was feeling i wanted to write the other day, and now that im here, of course, i cant remember what it was. ehh.
One person i REALLY respect and look up to: Allen Cochran.
One thing a CANNOT stand about UC: each and every “advisor” i’ve come across.
My last advisor, to give all an idea, told me that I would never be able to be accepted into DAAP, and that I should go to another school. BITE ME.
I recently met with my current advisor, slightly panicked about my choice of carreer path. ART. There is a lot and at the same time, very little that i can do with ART. (and french, im doin the french too. been doin that for 10 years dang me) I can do more things with it than i am aware, and for all that i know, i’ll end up a manager of a family constructed and owned hotel/resort down in Mexico (which my cousins and I have been planning on doing for a few years now by the way). har.
YEAH, so i met up with her, and basically told her that i’ve kind of run smack into reality as far as how i am going to financially support myself once i get out of college. My problem, i’ve realized, is that i’ve always followed what i like to do with little regard for my future. I do art, simply because I learn the most while doing it. I learn the most about myself. I realized i’ve been attending college these three years to learn more about myself. While going to college, learning about ones self is of course one of the things that happen regardless, and is needed to happen in order to become the person one strives to be.
HOWEVER: I believe that i’ve skipped something/missed out on something in the way of preparing for my future career. Maybe I’m not intended to have one really. … that’s kind of a sickening thought. I mean, between you and me, we all know no one really wants to work. But in another way, we do. I want to make money doing something I like, know that i can support myself. And it’s absolutely entirely possible.
(again)HOWEVER, I feel that I’ve attended school, for lack of better description, philosophizing. Philosphizing about the nature of people, the nature of art, religion, love, life. Intertwining all of those aspects, and turning them over and over, having experiences, and creating artwork that reflect reactions and or feelings based off of the moment. (which i suppose is fitting, considering my Major: FINE ART) durrrr.
BUT, This PHILOSOPHIZING is getting me nowhere. NOWHERE. And i’ve just stumbled across this realization, as if i’ve been shaken awake from a deep sleep, suddenly, this recent school year. Yikes. here i am. Almost $60,000 in debt, and yikes. what am i gonna do?
MY ADVISOR. she tells me, it would have been helpful if i’d have taken a certain class that helps daap students with the worries i’m currently facing. But that i wont have a chance to take it until winter of next year.
Helpful. okay. i felt a little better. I might actually be getting some help here.
But then she asks me that STUPID question, “well, what do you like to do?” I seriously wanted to take a machete, chop her head off and hurl it down the freshman studio corridor.
And of course, me being me, I answered with a tiny girlish, “I dont know”
HELL. I know what i like to do!!!!! I AM IN ART. THAT. IS. WHAT. I. LIKE. TO. DO. I am sitting infront of her, HOPING she can tell me someting I could go into that involves what is clear that i like to do.
I mean a student would HOPE that his/her advisor could show them a career that appeals to the student, seeing as how we are SPENDING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO ATTEND A SCHOOL THAT IS SUPPOSED TO PREPARE US FOR A NICE CAREER. The LEAST an advisor could do, is help out the people who are paying their salary.
BUT NO.
THIS is what my (tenured) advisor tells me:
“Well, Carolyn, it depends on what you want out of life” ahhduh.
“I mean, is money important to you? Do you want to have a large house and a nice car? It’s all about what kind of lifestyle you want to lead. I, personally, live in a small, humble house with an average income. I have a secure job and i love it. It’s all about what you deem the most important to you.”
By now, i was most seriously contemplating scalping my advisor.
She was making me feel as if all i was concerned with is how much money i am going to make with the area i’m studying.
OF COURSE you have to think about it! BUT more importantly, i am concerned with HOW IN HELL i am going to pay off my GAZILLION dollar debt i’ve put myself in so that i can get a “nice” education.
I wasnt going to say that to her though, by that point, i realized it was just better to sit there, elbows resting on knees, hands clasped together, nodding and looking very interested in her advice, as if it was the very first time i’d ever heard the words she was using.
NEEDLESS to say, towards the end of the meeting with my current advisor, she answered her phone, talked for about 10 minutes, hung up, and said, “i’m sorry, i gotta go eat lunch, i’m just going to leave you here, if you dont mind.”
And no i didnt mind. she left as i packed my drawn out schedule/credit hours remaining and possible courses-to-be-taken notes back into my bookbag and then went to class.
….hmm.
I guess i’m just looking for SOMEONE who knows what to do. My parents cant help. and for three years, the UNIVERSITY hasn’t helped.
I know i know i know. I am absolutely not the only 21 year old brown haired girl studying art and french in the world who has no idea what they’re going to do. But, sometimes, it’s nice to know that you have some person who’s genuinely interested in helping you find what you’re looking for. It seems to me, that everyone’s just out for themselves. which is fine. I’m out for myself without a doubt. But if it’s your JOB to do that, if you’re getting PAID to do that….i mean come on. help! i feel choked!
ah. wayyyyy enough of that. LAST PROJECT TO COMPLETE MANANA!!!!!!!! GET TO BE WITH MY GENTLEMAN TOMORROW! and that’s whats keeping me going. is that bad? probably. Je m’en fiche.
