Remember O Most Gracious Virgin Mary

Jeez.  Yes indeed.  Today.  Today was a day.  It was one of those days that some people who don’t look beyond the surface of it would deem it a really sucky day.  HOWever, it was not really so.  Let’s do the surface view of it shall we?

Today:  I woke up early but was tired still.  So i laid in bed all day until work time.  I ate ice cream and felt fat.  I went to work and worried myself over stupid things and was in a bad mood.  then i couldnt eat.  so i was depressed that all id eaten was nasty ice cream.  i worked til 8 and hurt my ankle really bad by hitting it REALLY hard on the refridgerator (now its swollen and aching). came home. went to the old LHS track, ran a little over a mile, came home, watched Sense and Sensibility, and now here i am to give you my account of the day. 

WHAT A LOSER you might say.
I say not so.

Because here’s what really happened today:

Woke up early.  Decided to chill to Incubus and have more dreams.  I did.  Yes, i ate ice cream.  And yes, I felt gross about it.  Went to work.  Yes, I worried myself over things that only girls do.  All girls do. (boys really are so dumb and simple minded, i mean honestly.)  And it makes you ill.  And no, i didnt eat.  And then -whilst serving coffee and frappes and lattes- I moved into a self loathing about my person and my physical image.  I was just really going insane for a few moments when my mind was like “UMM HELLO MCFLY! YOU NEED TO BE CONTINUING ON YOUR SKETCHES.  YOU, SISTER, HAD BETTER RUN AFTER WORK” 
So i resloved that the neglect of the two is why i was feeling so  disgusting. 

 And wouldnt you know it….one of my old friend’s mother came into Kidd, and as i was making her drink, she tells me she thinks im one of the most beautiful people she’s ever seen.  That lady will never know how much that really meant to me.  All i could say was thank you and smile.  I really wanted to hug her.  She said, ‘i’m sure you hear that all the time.’  and i wanted to say, no, i never do.  It’s not like i deserve it, because i don’t.  I can think of many people far more beautiful than me -my cousin stephanie, for instance- 

   But when she told me that, i heard something more than the words that came out of her mouth.  This person admires me.  ME.  I am disgusting.  I am a nutcase.  I am selfish.  I am mean to people (mother, father) who don’t deserve it.  I don’t give a freak if we’re out of tomato soup, because i don’t feel like pouring it in a bowl for you.  I ….i don’t know anything.   HOW can I  be admired?  But by that one person, I am.  And this made me realize that, I am not thankful enough for what i have and for who i am.  For as much as i make myself depressed with things and disgusted with myself, everyone else does too; probably worse than I, and with more of a reason.   

So i decided to cheer the hell up and smile.  Even when I wanted to scream at those chitchatty ladies who WOULDN’T leave when we closed at 8, I smiled and bade them a good night. 

I went home.  My mother came with me to LHS track and I did run a mile or so.  It felt great.   I came home. Watched Sense and Sensibility. (Jane Austin) 

From this movie and my own thoughts and experiences, I have gathered a few conclusions about people (women, mostly).  -I know, movies are not life.  HOWever, movies can oftentimes sufficiently surmise human actions and feelings to true to life events.

 ALL girls. all girls, dream of their prince charming.  They do.  DO NOT DENY IT.  Whether or not that prince charming really is a prince, it does not matter.  In each girl’s eye, they have their prince charming set at heart.  I think it is an inborn thing that girls just have,  God just gave us.  We all wish to one day be swept off of our feet by HIM.  And our hearts ache for it.  They do.  We may deny it at times.  But, it is there.  Very much. 
And sometimes, we find ourselves rather, being dragged through the dirt instead of swept off our feet.  But because of this intense dream of being such (swept by Prince Charm.) I believe that many girls give in too easy too quickly for the wrong fellow, the one who should be taken out onto the street and shot.  

GIRLS. IF YOU ARE A GIRL AND YOU ARE READING MY STUPID WRITINGS, read this most carefully and apply it honestly to your life:

Consider Mr. Colonel Brandon from Sense and Sensibility:
     When Miss Marrianne was ill, he paced around the room waiting -WAITING- for her, wanting to do anything to help.  He rode through the night to her mother.  He watched her heart be broken (by a man who should have been brought out onto the street and shot).  He bought her a piano forte because he knew she liked to play and sing, but could not afford one in her house.  He married her.  He made her happy.  He was only happy if she was happy. 

Now.  I know we are all young.  I know boys are dense and all they want to do at our age is play video games and drink and do other stupid things.  BUT.  There comes a point in life where none of these things should be priority any more.  There comes a point when A MAN will outgrow these things.  There will come a point when that MAN realizes that the only person he wants to see for the rest of his life is you.  He would give all that crap away for you. 

This is what we all wish for.  We know this.

Does he respect you?  Think about that.  HOW does he treat you? 
and how do you treat him?  Do you treat him like a prince? 

I mean really.  Is he smitten with you?  if he isnt, GET RID OF IT. 
Does he talk to you?  Does he tell you how he feels, what’s on his mind?  no?  I WONDER WHY!!! 
I’ll tell you why:
because he’s not thinking.
and you know what that means: You don’t mean enough to him.
And ill tell you what that means: HE DOESNT DESERVE YOU.

God, if he really cares for you, he will leave no doubt in your mind that YOU are his world.  He will make certain you are happy. 

WASTE NOT TIME BEING WORRIED OR FRUSTRATED OVER A BOY.  if you find you are:  He’s probably not doing the same.  And that’s the honest truth.  Because if you have to worry about it, he doesnt care and he’s given you reason to.

Here’s my ‘hope’:  all good, sensible girls will get their prince charming,  IF they wait.  If they are patient.  IF they open their eyes. 

So. truck on.  Be happy with yourself.  Improve yourself. (not just your image).  And Look.  He is waiting for you.  You may be surprised to find who he is.   

 

“whatever his past actions, whatever his present course, you can be certain that he did love you”
“yes, but not enough. Not enough.”

and that, is the key.