Remember O Most Gracious Virgin Mary

TODAY:

I was involved in THE MOST embarrassing critique ever.  I just had to put my face in my hands and try not to listen to the bickering.  I really detest collaborations.  Always have.  And I have always managed to be put with the most difficult, or the most passive, or the least interested, or the most stubborn people…perhaps it’s me being the difficult one, however I know it’s not the case, seeing as how the conflict had nothing to do with my participation or share of work load…I always end up doing a lot of the work, or maybe a lot of the worrying…

What I’m going to take away from this is a further learning of patience, and knowing that I will be the rest of my life working with people I don’t like, and having to appease them in order to maintain a professinal environment. 

 As I told the Samurai; I believe it is a rare person, the professional.  I mean, you think you’re going to get out of college and work with some real professionals who won’t be jerks; who will try to be polite about things and peoples’ feelings and want to produce good work and genuinely want to work hard to get things done…….  it’s not going to happen…..these people, these lazy, rude, selfish people are going to be around even in the highest paying, most “professional” jobs.   You will be offended by them, they will make fun of you when they can, that “Jerk” is everywhere.  Hello World. 

The only thing I’m trying to do is not be one of them.  I want to work hard and get things done, and the right way.  I want to be considerate of other people, and listen to their ideas…It’s a hard thing to do when you think you’ve got a really good idea yourself….I don’t want to just listen and then throw them to the wind, rejecting the possibility of using someone else’s good idea.  I want to try and get along with the people I don’t like- those lazy, rude, selfish people….because guess what, I AM ONE OF THEM.  WE ALL ARE.  We are those people.  I’m just going to try and fight being one. 

This past year, I have been made aware of my big mouth, and that I do not always listen to what I say and what it may suggest to others, and that it may be offensive or hurt feelings.  What I’m not saying is that I’m going to roll over take crap from everyone and be a nice pushover…it’s just best sometimes, to not speak…i’ve learned to have TONS of patience with people….still learning….i’ve had to bite my tongue on many occasions.  It’s good for me though. 

Communication is a wonderfully interesting thing….Many times people see something the same way, but have a different fashion of communicating it to one another, and then, they cannot see that they have the same idea because they’ve frustrated eachother with their different use of word choice.  It fascinates me actually, watching people trying to explain themselves.  -…and enough of that.

And so, I feel confident that Fine Arts is for me….I have only to answer to myself….(for the most part)  –had I chosen to go into any of the design programs, unless you’ve clawed your way to the top, you’re always saying, “yes sir!” or “yes ma’am!” and doing EXACTLY what your superior wants.--….Only to consider my ideas and inspirations….And only within the field of Fine Arts, can I allow myself to be positively selfish with producing my work.  Because it’s mine.  Not yours.  THUS, I maintain, that the true artist is a selfish being.  Don’t date us, we’re baaaaaaaaad news.   But I’m trying to learn to play nicely.