The poet says,

What is this thing called joy?

What does it mean?

How do I get it?

It is such an elusive thing.

I seem to have it one day,

but gone the next.

What am I to do?

Why can’t I have joy?

When will I get It?

I want to rejoice in You,

and I want to please you.

But I need you to help me!

I want Your joy,

I want to receive Your strength.

Give me your joy

so that I may have wings to Heaven…

Can you keep a secret? If I told you a secret, would you promise not to tell anyone? Now I want to tell you something about myself, that I have never told anyone else.

But you have to promise not to tell anyone. OK, now promise. And if you really mean it, spit. OK now, spit. I’m serious about the spitting thing. Really. So spit right now. Good. Don’t worry, you can clean it up later.

We have come a long way together, haven’t we? When I sit down to write, I work to remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. There are times I sit down, and I pretty much already know what to write, because there has been something in my heart for a long time. All I have to do is fill in the details, and finish it up.

There are times, when I just know the theme. So what I do is just start writing, and I go along for the ride. For me, it’s like we are all traveling together, and this stuff comes up, and we all get to learn at the same time.

And then there are times when the Lord will set me up. And this is one of those times. I’m telling you right now, He’s good. I had no idea I was going in this direction.

Instead of just writing to teach about something, the Lord wants me to open up about one of my very many weaknesses, to let you see Him working in me.

There are so many weaknesses that are apparent, I’m sure Leona could suggest a couple. But this is one that I don’t talk about, and I keep to myself.

What is this secret? I at times struggle with this thing called Joy. Well, I mean the secret is why I struggle with this thing called Joy.

Now, I am not depressed or anything. I’m a happy guy, and I love to laugh.

But I am not talking about being happy. Happiness is a state of contentment regarding the circumstances in our lives. Our family may bring us happiness, a career, a car or a boat.

We want to be happy. We are driven from the desire to be happy. We may work for worthy things to make us happy, or worthless things. It may be something that will benefit our lives, or something that can destroy us.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy…Gal 5:22

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, grounded in the Person and work of our Father in His Son. Joy is a response to truth regardless of circumstances. Joy transcends even our sorrows and gives us wings to Heaven.But I seem to have this natural pull away from joy. And at times I seem to be afraid as to find out why.

So what I must do is open myself up, be honest, and let you see my struggle here.

“Lord, why do I struggle with joy? Why do I naturally pull away from joy? Please help me! I want to always rejoice in you, and I want you to look at me with joy.”

Since Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, I found that I had to open myself to His work. Now I am not talking about an ecstatic experience, or running outside to do a Jericho March.

What I am talking about is opening myself up, well, like digging a well. In order to get to the water, you have to dig down deep. How do I dig down deep? By getting the dirt out of the way. How do I get the dirt out of the way? By letting the Holy Spirit of truth go as deep as He wants to go in my heart and mind, spirit and soul.

Now in digging up the dirt we must give up rebellion and sins. This of course will directly bury our joy in the Lord. When we give ourselves to sin, it generally means that we have chosen the wrong path to be happy.

Is it because I am afraid to raise expectations? Now there are times that we have setback after setback, disappointment after disappointment, so that we have become accustomed to the way things are.

It is almost as if we are beaten down, and our expectation of the Father’s work in our lives are very low - we are unable to handle being let down again. And when this happens, when we begin to lower our expectations, and indeed we are afraid to raise them, we simply have stopped believing. We feel that joy is futile, because there isn’t anything to be joyful about.

I have walked with Christ for over 35 tears, and you would think that that this would be a easy thing for me. But there is a fear that I have, and I pull away, and close myself . But why? Why would I be afraid of the One who loved me so much that He gave His life for me?

“Lord, why am I afraid to open up myself to you? You love me, and I know I love you. There should never be any fear in love. What‘s wrong with me?”

In letting the Holy Spirit examine my heart and my mind, my spirit and soul, I have become very vulnerable. It is because the Holy Spirit will go places were I refuse to go.

Where would I refuse to go? I think it is what I call, the “Deep Sorrows.” What are the “Deep Sorrows?” These are the hurts and injuries of the past that have wounded us so deeply, that we have just simply forgotten them, or we refuse to acknowledge them.

Why would I be afraid of acknowledging the “Deep Sorrows?” To relive the pain may be too much to bear. Or it may be something else: I am afraid that the Father will find something so bad, that He won’t love me anymore.

Doesn’t that sound foolish? Childish? I think it does. Why would I be afraid of God finding something, I mean He is God, and He knows everything about me anyway.

But I know what it is, and of course I am embarrassed to talk about it. I know the reason: it is because I think that I am unlovable. How could the Father love me?

Why would I feel like this? Looking back, I am sure that my dad had a hand in this. My dad didn’t spend time with me, and there are times he did hurt me.

But it is my mom who held me over a railing of a bridge and intended to drop me below. The times when she would spew out her hatred toward me as a young child, calling me a filthy piece of garbage. And of course threatening me by calling the orphanage to take me away.

I know this sounds childish, but I am afraid that God would find something bad, some sin I haven’t recognized, and that He won’t love me anymore. I am afraid He will throw me away, and never want me again.

This is my “Deep Sorrow.” This is my deep secret, a secret that I am unable at times to recognize myself. I feel such unworthiness that I have a hard time believing that Jesus could really love me.

“Dear loving Father heal me of this Deep Sorrow. Turn this Deep Sorrow into Joy so that it will give me wings to Heaven.”

And that is what this thing called Joy does, doesn’t it? It lifts our heart to His love. Lifting us up to His embrace, loving us, keeping us safe and secure, no matter what the circumstances. We take joy in knowing that He sits us on His lap as we watch his loving goodness turns the bad into good.

The deeper our sorrows, the deeper the Joy. I will purpose to let my “Deep Sorrow” be overtaken by His Joy to give me wings to Heaven.

I pray that 2008 will be a year of joy for you. I pray this fruit of the Spirit will strengthen and sustain you through all the coming year, and that your “Deep Sorrows” will be overcome by His deep Joy, giving your hearts wings to heaven.

I pray that you have a Psalm 126 year.

1 When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations,
“The LORD has done great things for them.”3 The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.4 Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev.

5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

6 He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

Oh yeah, remember now, you promised to keep a secret. And you accompanied it by spitting. (It might be time to clean it up now).

The poet says,

May all you Deep Sorrows

be overtaken by the

hands of Joy.

May you be lifted,

to the very presence

of the Father.

And while sitting on His lap,

You see all

transformed by His goodness.

The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. Is. 51:11