Bob Nicholas

Maybe it is because I am head strong and confident.

Maybe it is because I am convicted and passionate.

Maybe it is because in society we get ahead by trampling, and I grew up with that image.

Or perhaps, it is simply because I am a fallen man. No matter the reason I lack enough charity and humility to handle every situation with grace, the result is consistently painful when I don’t. I often notice this phenomenon known as “bob being a jerk” in one of three places.

First, when my wife and I disagree and rather than choose to listen and love I choose to debate. This is perhaps the easiest time to recognize this phenomenon.

Second, while driving someone does something to annoy me and rather than just avoid putting my bumper into their seat, I also add words and anger to the situation. This is the second easiest time to recognize this phenomenon.

Lastly, when I learn that I have hurt someone through my words or actions without intending to do so. While the first two items are humorous rhetoric meant to engage you as a reader, this item is truly the downfall of the Body of Christ. We all, at times, forget that we belong to a community of friends. And while we are intentional or not, our words and actions all affect the whole body of Christ.

This is precisely why the Sacrament of Confession has two purposes. We are first reconciled with the Father and second, we are reconciled with the Body of Christ, whom we have also sinned against. The two are necessary to bring a person fully back into the fold. Let me give you an example.

Recently a close friend told me that some things I had said to someone came back to her through his wife. Now in and of them alone my words were not hateful, harmful, or intended to do any harm. However due to the “translation” of my words they brought pain/harm to my friend whom I care very much about. Essentially I gossiped without manifest intent.

At first I was very upset with the man and his wife for doing this. My response was ”I can’t believe they would do that. Who do they think they are?” Note the use of the word “they”. They did something wrong. They did it. They.

Friends, when something happens and our first reaction is to blame another, I call that pride. To blame another is not to take responsibility for our role and behavior in the body of Christ. So, needless to say, I have to revise that statement.

I can’t believe I did that. Who do I think I am. What kind of friend am I that I would speak words about a friend that could be used against them. What kind of Christian am I gossiping in this way.

This post is not an attempt at an apology (because writing one is like breaking up over the phone, not good enough). This is my attempt to share with you a lesson and a message.

Jesus Christ called us His friends.

Jesus Christ told us that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.

The next time you are in conversation consider how your words will affect the body of Christ. Are you building the Kingdom of God? Or are you tearing it down?

St. Joseph pray for us.

Recently I have been impacted by some things people have said to me in very personal ways. This has got me thinking of all the Men who have in one way or another shown me Christ in my life. Here is a short list of those moments because I believe they are worth sharing. Take some time today to recall those that have impacted you and planted seeds in your life.

 My dad showed me how to honor his wife, even when he disagrees.

My father-in-law has been the greatest example of trust in the Lord and of how to love without judgment.

Father Ed. pointed me to Christ more times than I can remember however one time in particular he said (paraphrase), “If you aren’t seeking the gifts, then you are fighting the evil”.  He also says at the beginning of most Masses, "we are here because Jesus is here."  Amen.  That is all I need to know.

Monsignor said in a Homily; “Faith is personal but Religion is communal.” He is also an example to me of how to love without judgment.

Fr. Kenny told me, when I needed it most, that I didn’t have to be perfect and that we all go through seasons in life so don’t freak out when your prayer life is a little rocky, it’ll work out.

My friend Paul once told me that Sarah (my wife) is like his sister, and should I hurt her he’d have to kill me. That is the first time anyone held me accountable for how I treated a girl…which until that point wasn’t acceptable.

My friend Tom said to me while I was struggling with the decision for Sarah and I to have more children, “I get a glimpse of God every time we have another baby.”

My brother-in-law told me after I converted, got married, and had a son; “your sister and I are proud of you.” That has been a source of strength and confidence for me.

A Baptist preacher quoted Romans 1:17 at a youth camp I attended with my friend Josh Matthew. “The just shall live by faith…” That statement has carried me through some dark times in my life.

My friend Deacon Mick said to me once that believed I could have handled a situation better than I had, and felt as though I knew the right thing to do if I only just believed.

A mentor and former boss told me that whether or not I intended harm when saying things was irrelevant because the perception was already set….now I only had to pick up move forward and recover. Which I did because he believed I could and I would not let him down.

My friend Deacon Jeff once said in a homily that we have to “check yes” I believe in those Truths that are unchanging if we truly want to live a Catholic life.

My former spiritual director and friend Rick told me to pray the Psalms.  Simple as it sounds, it will change your life.

Whether he coined it or not my friend Bish lives the rule: “make a friend, be a friend, bring a friend to Christ,” and for that I am thankful.

My friend Father John told me once that no matter how much I felt pulled to do more ministry, work harder, or do more, if I neglected my vocation as a husband and father then I wasn’t being true to God.

And lastly, my sons all tell me that I am their hero, and that is more motivation to be a good Catholic man than anything I have ever heard.

Do not let the workers in the vineyard go hungry by not sharing your faith with them and showing them the fruit their labors have born. For too long we sit back and reflect on the nice things that happen to us. Rather we should not only be paying it back, we should be passing it on.

Be a Man today. Tell someone important to you what they really mean to you and your life by giving them a call or simply saying, thank you.

To my friends, mentors, fathers, parents, and those who have touched my heart, you are forever in my prayers and I thank you for the seeds you planted for the fruit of my life is a joy to me.

Going forward I'm going to post the little things and the big things people say to me that make me think of plant seeds.  Feel free to email me quotes from those that plant seeds in your life.  I'll include them and post them too.

God bless